Episode Three - "Interview Day"
Scheduled for transmission on 4th March 1987 but not shown
A notice is on display in the staff room advising of interviews for the position of 'Head of Curriculum Development'. The candidates lined up to be interviewed are Mr Fowl, Mr Magnusson and Miss Crabbe.
Mr Flashman is taking bets on who will succeed and has the following odds; Miss Crabbe is favourite at 2-1, with Mr Fowl close behind on 3-1 and Mr Magnusson an outsider at 12-1. Mr Fowl has prepared for the interview by wearing a suit, shirt and tie, all of which display garish patterns that clash horrendously. Miss Crabbe enters the staff room wearing a flowing pink dress and Mr Philpott, who is making himself a cup of coffee, comments that she looks pretty. Miss Crabbe takes great offence at this, complaining that men are always described as 'smart' whereas women are described as 'pretty'. This leads her onto the subject of sexism, obviously a subject she feels strongly about.
Mr Fowl spots an opportunity to coerce Miss Crabbe into refusing to attend her interview by claiming that he overheard Mr Wickham on the telephone discussing the interviews and that Mr Wickham made blatant sexist remarks. Miss Crabbe is furious and as Mr Fowl anticipated, she declares that she will boycott her interview, thus leaving Mr Fowl as the front runner. However, under the impression that Mr Fowl is also upset with Mr Wickham's sexist remarks, she wants him to boycott his interview too. Thinking quickly, he suggests that they should proceed with attending their interviews and instead use the opportunity to express their disgust with sexism in the educational system. Miss Crabbe agrees, not guessing that Mr Fowl has no genuine desire to ruin his own interview.
When Mr Flashman hears of their plan, he instantly recognizes that Mr Fowl has duped Miss Crabbe into blowing her chances and changes their respective odds to 2-1 on and 100-1. And when Mr Magnusson arrives in an ill-fitting beige suit (purchased at Mr Fowl's recommendation), Mr Flashman extends Mr Magnusson's odds to 100-1.
In his office, Mr Wickham is preparing for the interviews and Spotty is assisting him. Ernie enters and is informed by Mr Wickham that his private toilet has become blocked. Mr Wickham insists that Ernie unblock it before the interviews begin and Ernie agrees but he will only do it when he is ready, in other words not straight away.
In his history class, Mr Flashman passes a message to Slasher, who is snoozing in a sleeping bag at the back of the room. The message is that Slasher has an appointment with an educational psychologist.
Miss Crabbe, Mr Fowl and Mr Magnusson are all waiting outside Mr Wickham's office for the interviews to start. In order to enhance his chances, Mr Fowl prompts Mr Magnusson to calm his nerves by taking a drink from a small whisky cannister. Meanwhile, during the interviews, Miss Crabbe's French class is being covered by Mr Savage. Not surprisingly, Mr Savage is not impressed by the French language and dismisses all famous French men as 'poofs'. He exclaims that German is a better, more aggressive language and soon has the children shouting out words in German.
The noise emanating from the class Mr Savage is covering can be heard across the building, and Mr Wickham sends Mr Fowl to quieten the class down.
Miss Crabbe is the first to be interviewed. The interviews are being conducted by Mr Wickham and four school governors, of whom two are male and two are female. Influenced by Mr Fowl, Miss Crabbe launches into an anti-sexism tirade, accusing Mr Wickham of 'only being interested in her tits'. The entire interview panel are aghast.
Mr Magnusson is next to be interviewed and he is clearly drunk, obviously not being able to handle alcohol. After knocking on the door, he is unable to hear that he is being called inside the office. And once inside he is asked to sit down. He does so, but sits down exactly where he is standing, which is in front of the door. When he finally makes it to a chair he nods off.
Elsewhere in the building, Slasher is attending his appointment with the educational pyschologist, who appears nervous in the presence of the feared bully. The psychologist uses Slasher's real first name, which is Julian, and Slasher certainly does not like the use of this name. Slasher also confesses that he is twenty-three years old, and therefore presumably he has to keep repeating his final year at school because he is always failing.
The psychologist tries to find out if Slasher has any interests or hobbies and Slasher acknowledges that he likes fishing. When prompted further, Slasher reveals that he does not use a rod for fishing, he uses 'clubs, bricks and bits of wood'. As their chat progresses, Slasher admits that he sometimes goes to watch football matches. The psychologist reveals that his favourite football team is Liverpool, because that is where his parents are from, and this unfortunately leads into an argument about which is the best football team. The argument concludes with Slasher butting the psychologist.
Mr Mackintosh interrupts Mr Wickham's interviewing process to advise of what Slasher did to the psychologist. Quite fraught, Mr Wickham leaves to attend to the matter. At this point, Ernie arrives with the intention of unblocking Mr Wickham's private toilet. But the remaining interview panel mistake Ernie for being Mr Fowl, the last candidate to be interviewed (Mr Fowl has not yet returned from dealing with the class Mr Savage is covering). Ernie is asked a series of questions but they are evidently at crossed purposes, with Ernie thinking they are asking him about unblocking toilets and the panel thinking that he is responding about the educational system. The result is that Ernie is offered the job of 'Head of Curriculum Development'!
There is little to cause offence in this episode. Of course, Slasher butts the psychologist but this is not depicted graphically and at twenty-three years old, Slasher is undoubtedly not a child so there is no issue of violence coming from a child. The only other concern would be the use of the word 'tits'. Again, this is hardly going to cause much turmoil and it only suggests that a pre-watershed time slot is unsuitable.
John Fortune was a guest star in episode three (he played the educational psychologist)